My brain hurts so much it’s startin’ to decay

Monday I had to write another reflection paper for my management class. These reflection papers literally give me anxiety and make me wanna hide under a rock for the rest of my life, so it's very hard for me to actually sit down and write it, even though it's only 2 pages, which I could type in like less than 20 minutes if I was motivated. But because I have yet to receive a grade that lives up to my standards, I literally despise writing them and they make me low key wanna bungy jump without the rope. But eventually, I got down to writing it on Monday because it was due Tuesday morning and I was out of time. Once I handed it in, I felt so free. Like I finally understand the expression "a weight has been lifted from your shoulders" or however it goes. I really felt like I had less weight on me keeping me down. Yes, I still have another reflection paper I have to do for the course, but this one was done. It was such a nice feeling I literally skipped all the way back to my flat.
I still have absolutely no idea if I even did it right, because although you would think reflection = opinion, if it's not the teacher's opinion, it's wrong and fails. But you don't know the teacher's opinion on the topic because it's due before the class, so it's kinda like gambling except with less luck or wins. But anyways, I got off on some tangent about Cuba because I go off on tangents a lot if you hadn't noticed. So I did fill up my two pages pretty quickly, but it probably won't get me a good score. Oh well, I don't really care anymore. So in University of Auckland grading scales, a 60 is a B. So as long as I get above a 60 I'll get at least a B+ when it goes back to Loyola because our Loyola grades are one grade higher than our University of Auckland grades. At least I hope that's how it works... Ah, oh well. Grades make me almost as sad as money so I don't like to think much about it. I like America, where I'm smart.
So anyways, I found out why my management teacher doesn't like me and always gives me bad grades. It's because I'm American. She hates the USA and everything in it. She also hates Barbie and when I was little I wanted to be Barbie (that's why I walk[ed] on my toes). She probably sensed that in me and therefore despises me for it. She thinks she's so much better than everyone because her dad came to New Zealand with no job and had to find one when he got here so for two weeks she had nothing. NEWS FLASH THAT'S HOW MOVING WORKS most of the time. She thinks she's so good but she's like the shallowest person ever, just in a backwards way. How dare she judge me for being an American Barbie fan.
Also I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my halfway post but she doesn't plan on teaching next semester or ever again so she literally doesn't care and the school has already yelled at her a couple times for things such as trying to bribe the students but she straight up told us she doesn't care and is still gonna keep doing what she's doing so there's nothing I can even do about her awfulness.
I just thought I would inform you on why she hates me now that she's made it clear to the class.
While I'm on people not liking me...
I thought kiwis were supposed to be nice? Well idk if they're kiwis or not because they're online but people at this school are so mean! For all of our classes and clubs there are Facebook groups that we're part of, right? So since I'm like totally lost when it comes to these reflection papers, I posted a question about it in my management class's Facebook group and the responses were so mean! Also I posted about being unhappy with the dive club in the dive club's Facebook page, and I've never been so bullied in my life. Like I had to cancel the dive trip I was going on with them and remove myself from the group. They were SO mean. Everyone's all like "how did you even get into uni? you're so stupid" and I "need perspective on being an adult" other super mean things. Like I cried. Like they're mean.
Then for my business strategy class, the one we have to be in groups for, we have to peer review every member of our group every couple weeks. I'm always pretty nice with reviews and I thought other people would be to, but we just got our scores back and I got the second lowest score! (I got -11% contribution and the lowest was -35%.) That doesn't even make any sense considering I show up to every single class having actually read the chapter and I contribute every single class and three of our team members never even show up to class. Our peer review score affects our grades. Last time I had a +2% contribution score but it was less than what a lot of the other people in my group got (again I have no idea how when they don't even show up) and it still brought my grade down, so with a score of -11 I can't even imagine how much my grade is going to suffer. It's not fair at all. I've emailed my teacher to ask for an appeal but I'm not hopeful. I just don't understand how they don't even show up and get a higher contribution score than me. Like I legitimately thought they dropped out. And if you look at the group quiz score and my individual quiz score you would see that they're the same because I actually am super smart so I don't understand how a stupid peer review can/is allowed to affect my score negatively like it does. It's not fair. I hate how things get graded here.
So school sucks. Can't wait to get back to good ole American universities.
Oh also, ya know how I've met like barely any like practically 0 native kiwis? None of my professors are even kiwi. I don't really have philosophy professors because it's online so I never engage with any humans, so I have no idea what they are. My business strategies professor is German, my management professor is from the Cook Islands but originally from Sri Lanka, and my marketing professors have been from Malaysia, Australia, and England, so far. So yeah. Still have a lack of kiwi interaction.

I feel like Barbie in this pic

Until next time,

xoxo,

Tasha