Time of Dying

Death. It comes at the worst times to take away the best people. 

(Image via Google Images)

Death is a pretty abnormally common thing in our little community that is Queen Annes County. We can't go a year, sometimes barely even a month or a week, without someone we know leaving for good. It's a terrible thing that happens much too often in our neck of the woods.
In high school, we used to call it the Sophomore September curse. Every single September, someone in the sophomore class wound up dead. I think the cycle might've ended with my sister's class (Class of 2017), but the deaths didn't; the month simply changed.
Once we graduated, we realized death was much more common as soon boating and car accidents started taking several of our little family at once. Kent Island and Queen Annes, rivals in all areas, bound together in bonds of love and comfort to start mending the broken hearts left throughout the county.
I suppose that's the good thing about things like this; it brings people together. Yeah a little sibling rivalry (let's face it, in Queen Annes County, who isn't related?) is nice and healthy but if you can't count on your own family in times of need, who can you count on? Thankfully we never have to find out because we always have each other's backs, and heart and soul.
Yesterday, we lost another. This one hit me a lot harder than most, and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I have nice memories, but I've had good memories with some of the others as well. Maybe it's because I'm half a world away and although we band together like no other, no matter how far apart we might physically be, when one of our own passes, I'm a little disconnected from the comforts, but I can feel the love like a force coming out of my computer screen.Maybe it's the fact that I also knew the others involved and ache for them as well. Maybe it's because ever since my best friend died 11 months ago (he was a dog, there was no community comfort for him, unfortunately) I've barely been able to hold myself together. Whatever the reason, this one hurts.
Last night I totally lost it. I was blubbering like a baby in my bed while I was supposed to be sleeping because I couldn't handle the fact that there would be no Pal when I got home. I even wrote a 1,000 word "feelz" document while completely blinded by my tears because I've heard writing it out can help. Today, the news of the accident made me literally sick in the bathroom. I don't know whether it's the lack of sleep, the lack of actual food, the insane amount of exercise via hills, or what, but I'm losing it. Whatever slim piece of sanity I had when coming here is slowly but surely escaping me. I still have 86 days before I board my plane for Los Angeles, but who knows if I'll make it. Death doesn't do this to me. Usually I'm like "oh that's sad; they were a good person. I'm here for the community" and I say a prayer and move on. The last human death I was truly upset over (like crying) was Troy's. (Yes I was legitimately sad about Allison but I didn't cry; I don't think I even cried for Connor's and we've been in class together since elementary school.) So yeah that's where I'm at mentally, but I'm sure you could probably have assumed I was losing my sanity via the rest of my blog posts, where I go off on rants and song lyrics and such.

Funny that Randy was the only one I tagged in this and
he wasn't even on the basketball team. 

But anyways. Randy was a good guy. One of my most prominent memories is actually similar to my story involving Bradley Schrader, but a lot less embarrassing for me (On my way to Florida one time this guy at the airport kept staring at me and I was like "he looks so familiar" but I couldn't put a name to him, then he sat next to me on the plane and fell asleep on my dad's shoulder. When we landed I put a status up that was like "This guy that looks kinda like Zac Efron just fell asleep on my dad's shoulder on the way to Florida" and it got a bunch of comments how that was Bradley Schrader from my school and my mom was like "I told you Bradley was on our flight; I showed you his bag at the baggage claim" and I deleted the status but everyone still saw and I was embarrassed and then I saw him literally every second of every day in school and he would come into the room and people would be like "look Zac Efron" and it was awful but then when he graduated I kinda missed it but anyways...). So onetime I was at H2O (the Under 21 nite club in Ocean City that I've practically lived at since I was like 12 or 13 even though technically you legally have to be 15 to enter) and I was dancing with Randy and Philip Maher and Ryan Simms come up and they're like "dude that's Tasha Haight" and Randy was like "so?" and totally blew them off and kept dancing with me til the song was over. Like how sweet. He was a football star; I was a cheerleader. We could do what we want without the approval of his friends (and Philip who I don't think had friends).
Taylor is a sweet girl, too. I hope she makes a full and speedy recovery, and I hope Aimee and Toby are also able heal, not only physically but mentally and spiritually as they deal with the loss of their friend. Prayers and love to all affected by the accident.
I'll leave you all with a quote from Hayden Rhodes (another girl from high school): "So hard to understand the bigger plan that God has sometimes, and even harder to trust it. But in the worst of times it is even more crucial that even if we might not understand, to begin to try to trust this plan. Way too many amazing lives taken too soon. Keep praying because the power of prayer is so real. Xo" 

Not a recent selfie, but a picture of
my first legal night at H2O
featuring my biggest emotional support
and therapist, Kaitlin. 

Until next time,

xoxo,

Tasha